Ted is putting paw to paper because he needs his voice to be heard. He loves Bob and Paul but, as 2m viewers of Gone Fishing will know, they put words in his mouth without knowing what goes on inside his head. Spoiler alert- Ted's view, supported by behind-the-scenes evidence, is that his co-stars are actually 'a pair of complete muppets'.

But first he tells you how life started for him. A skinny unwanted runt, abandoned outside a rescue centre in the freezing cold on Boxing Day, over a decade ago.

One of Ted's favourite television programmes is SAS- Who Dares Wins and, just like his hero Billy Billingham, he has developed the skills to adapt, survive and win.

This is the memoir of a truly remarkable mutt.