Oh, sure, it looks like one, with a label in the center and mysterious grooves etched on a sleek, black disc that glints in the light with a perverse air of knowing treachery.

And sure, when a diamond needle is dragged through said groove, it shrieks and sputters with the familiar range of "rock 'n' roll" sound effects: low-frequency bass, high-end hi-hat stutters, and a middlebrow voice that gasps and cries for love, justice, redemption, insurrection, everything.

And yes, Introduction. reacts like a normal record to direct sunlight; it suffers silently until giving evidence of its agony with an awful "warp." Its cover is even like a normal record jacket: glossy cardstock with a cool design, group name, song titles, record label information, and the like. But this disc is different.

It shouldn't only be reviewed in the music press but in the "world affairs" column of a conspiracy-minded newspaper, on a hot-rod review TV show, or possibly at an important conference by a renowned astrophysicist. It's that important!